The Four Times She Didn’t (And The One She Did)
by firefighterdawson
Summary: ‘She didn’t know why she couldn’t say those words. After all, she had been thinking them for what felt like forever, but there was something so final in admitting them out loud and she just wasn’t there yet.’ When tragedy strikes, will Gabby finally be able to say those three words?


Hey! It's Heather here. Sorry that we've been MIA for the better part of 2 years! Monica leaving the show made both Abby and I feel disenfranchised with Chicago Fire but with Monica recently guest starring and that scene happening, I had the urge to finish this fic that sat almost completed for 18 months. I hope you enjoy it! As for the other stuff, I hope to get back into writing and hopefully soon there will be more!! As always feedback is much appreciated. H x

One

"It's my car and I'm driving," Gabby said definitively as they approached the vehicle.

Matt had to try hard to suppress his smile as he regarded her. "Gabby it's my car. And you're drunk."

She stopped, suddenly. "What happened to 'what is mine is yours', baby?"

His eyes widened in surprise, before softening as Gabby let out a loud laugh. She grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the car.

"You don't have to be so serious all the time, Matthew." She slurred, tripping over the pavement as she turned to look at him.

He caught her smoothly, and righted her before placing an arm around her shoulder. "God, you're so drunk." He laughed, shaking his head.

They reached the car, Matt opening the passenger seat for Gabby before making his way round the car.

It had been their first night off together in almost a week, and Shay had kidnapped Gabby to act as a wingwoman on a bar crawl. He'd been quite happily catching up on some hockey with Severide when he began getting a barrage of drunk texts from his girlfriend. He'd tried calling her, receiving a grilling from his friend in the process for being so overprotective. Eventually Shay had called him to come and pick her up, Gabby's protests loud in the background.

"I can't believe you ditched me for Shay." Matt muttered, feigning grumpiness that Gabby saw right through.

"Babe," she fake-whined, "you signed up for shared custody when you chose me."

"I don't remember signing the paperwork?" He replied, pulling out of the space. "You know I don't like sharing. You're going to have to make it up to me."

"Oh yeah?" she replied cheekily, leaning over and assaulting his neck with kisses. She pulled back and couldn't help but laugh at his nervousness.

"Gabby, I'm driving," he said pointedly, pulling out into a busy street. Had Gabby been sober she wouldn't have distracted him, knowing how cautious a driver he were. But Gabby was drunk, and took great offence at the rebuffing. She sulked, crossing her arms and facing away from him, her head leant on the window.

He snuck a glance at her and couldn't help but laugh.

"Stop laughing at me," she muttered. Her discontent was soon forgotten, and she switched on the radio. The rest of the trip was made in near complete silence, save for Gabby's low humming.

She was out of the car the second the engine was switched off, leaning back in to reach for the shoes she had thrown into the back during the drive.

Matt held out a hand to her, but she refused. She got a few steps ahead of him before turning back.

"I am an independent woman," she slurred dramatically, "and I definitely don't need-"

Her words were interrupted as she tripped backwards over a step, her face aghast as she stretched out out for Matt's arms. Her reach fell short, and Matt couldn't contain his laughter as he saw his, usually very well balanced girlfriend, sat in a heap on the floor.

"You don't need what?" Matt said, moving closer to Gabby. She said nothing, choosing instead to pout up at him. It worked, and he helped her to stand, brushing off the dirt from her dress.

She shivered, and suddenly Matt was aware of how quickly the temperature was dropping now that fall was settling in. He unlocked the door quickly, ushering her inside.

She wandered towards the bathroom, dropping her bag and shoes in the hallway, and Matt followed. He ducked into the bedroom, grabbing one of his old t-shirts for her to wear and laying it on the bed. He then made his way to the kitchen. Knowing the hangover that was coming her way in the morning, Matt poured a large glass of water and grabbed tylenol from the cupboard.

Upon his return to their bedroom, he found her in front of the mirror. He came up behind her, placing a soft kiss on her exposed shoulder before placing the water into her hand. She was about to protest when she saw the look on his face and relented, gulping it down in mere seconds.

Matt helped her out of her dress and left her to take her makeup off as he changed into his pyjamas.

Their routine was completed in comfortable silence and soon Gabby flopped onto the bed with a sigh. Matt pulled the covers down, settling in on his side before calling her towards him.

Gabby complied, snuggling into his side, her head coming to rest on his chest.

"Thank you for coming to rescue me tonight," Gabby murmured her voice barely more than a whisper, "you're my hero."

Matt knows that were she sober, she would never call him this, but chooses to enjoy the free words of his drunk girlfriend.

She was quiet a moment, and Matt thought she had drifted off to sleep, but suddenly her head turned slowly up towards his, and Matt could see her walls coming down.

"You know I never thought this would happen.. You and me." she said, the vulnerability evident in her eyes.

Matt smiled, his hand coming up to wipe a strand of hair from her face. "I really thought I had blown my chance with you. "After last christmas we started to drift apart...then you were with Mills and I really thought I had blown my chance with you."

She looked away at this, suddenly finding his chest hair a very interesting thing to study. "Pete was sweet," she whispered, "but he wasn't you."

"This past year has been so hard, but you got me through it. I love you for that."

He paused suddenly, aware that this was the first time he had said those words. He had thought them before, so many times, but didn't know whether Gabby was ready to hear them.

"I love you, Gabby." He repeated, more sure of himself this time, a smile broadening on his face.

His words were met with only the sound of deep breathing, and he looked down to see Gabby fast asleep. He sighed slightly, deciding that he would just have to try again another time, and settled down into his pillow.

A few moments later, Gabby's eyes popped open; Matt's light snoring an indication that he was sleeping, and she pushed gently away from his chest, rolling to lay on her back.

She didn't know why she could say those words. After all, she had been thinking them for what felt like forever, but there was something so final in admitting them out loud and she just wasn't there yet.

Two

"Can you just talk to me, please?" Matt pleaded, walking a few steps behind Gabby. The fifteen minutes they had already been making their way back to her apartment in silence had been more than enough time for Matt to reflect on the evening's incidents.

The evening had started much like any they had spent at Molly's. Gabby had been working the bar with Otis, the crowd a little larger than usual, but nothing they couldn't handle.

One particular customer had held Matt's attention for most of the night. He had never seen the man before, but had heard from Otis that he was a new Truck member over at 64. He was usually a decent guy, and a damn good firefighter, but evidently he was an obnoxious drunk; he had been at the bar since opening, his interest in Gabby evident from the moment she stepped out of the backroom. To give her credit where it was due, Gabby's crude remarks to the man's outward flirting had been sharp and made it clear she was not interested.

Matt had been willing to sit back for the most part, confident that Gabby could hold her own, until his harmless banter had turned personal. He would not have heard the man's words had he not been making his way to the bathroom at the time, though Matt now realised this had been intentional.

"Maybe if I were your Lieutenant and could boost your career, you'd give me the time of day."

"Excuse me?"

"I know girls like you. You'll sleep with anyone as long as you get something out of it."

Matt hadn't been able to control the rage that came over him in that moment, as he'd stepped up next to the man at the bar.

He had made it perfectly clear that if he did not leave the bar voluntarily, Matt would take great pleasure in throwing him out himself.

Apparently this warning hadn't been enough, and, after one further crude comment muttered under his breath, Matt had made matters physical, landing a swift punch along the man's jawline.

Gabby had chosen to ignore his request, and was now rifling through her bag for her apartment key as they approached the building.

She led him in the door in silence, removing her work heels with a sigh before making her way to the fridge to grab a beer.

After taking a long sip, she finally turned to him.

"I could have handled it. But no, you had to make a scene where everyone could see you."

"Gabby, come on," he pleaded, not wanting to blow things further up.

"I don't need you to come to my rescue, but when you do things like this it makes me look like I do. I'm trying to be a firefighter, the last thing I need is other members of the CFD thinking I need my Lieutenant-boyfriend to fight my battles for me."

"I know -" Matt tried to interject, but he saw the look in his girlfriend's eyes and decided to leave her to rant, finally glimpsing behind her guarded walls.

"Do you know how hard it is to be a woman in the CFD? To come under constant scrutiny that you're not strong enough or brave enough. And, yeah, 51 is great but not everywhere is 51, and not everywhere in the CFD is so accepting. The CFD can be such a boy's club, and what you did tonight is not going to make it any easier for me."

She finally stopped, turning to face him, and he realised that this was the most she had ever let her guard down in the time he'd known her. He felt almost grateful that, despite the circumstances, she trusted him enough to let herself be more vulnerable around him.

"You're right," he said, softly, taking a few steps towards her, "it's just hard seeing you get treated like that. I'm sorry about what I did, but I'm always going to want to defend you because I love you."

Gabby's breath caught in her throat, taken aback by the sudden declaration. Even though she had heard him say it before, she realised that this wasn't Matt simply getting caught up in the moment, but that he truly believed it and felt it.

She nodded, looking down and pretending to study the beer in her hand. She took a couple of breaths and Matt could see her internal termoil of wanting to say it back but not being ready to.

He took the decision away from her, choosing instead to change the topic, bringing up an earlier conversation the pair had never finished.

The relief was evident on Gabby's face as she offered him a slight smile, as she went about grabbing him a beer from the fridge before holding out as a peace offering.

The pair made their way to the couch, their fight forgotten about as they spent the rest of the evening in content; catching up on a Blackhawks game before heading to bed.

Three

"Babe, I left my jacket in the car, you go in without me," Gabby blurted out, turning away from Matt.

He caught her arm quickly as she tried to slip away, stopping her in her tracks. She turned back to him, unwilling to make eye contact as she stared at the door in front of her.

"Gabby, you're wearing your jacket," Matt said pointedly.

His words didn't seem to get through to her as her gaze remained fixed. Matt cupped her chin gently, causing her focus to shift.

"It's going to be fine," he deplored, "Christie is going to love you."

She gave an uneasy nod, not quite convinced. "Let's just get this over with before I lose my nerve."

With her reluctant approval, Matt knocked on the door.

True to his words, Christie was enamored with Gabby, who was becoming more relaxed as the evening went on. And it wasn't just his sister who seemed impressed with his girlfriend, Violet had quickly warmed to Gabby, demanding to sit next to her at the table.

Conversation soon turned to work as Jim asked how the pair had met.

"So you're a paramedic at the same firehouse?"

"She's our PIC; paramedic in charge," Matt boasted proudly, "and the best one in Chicago at that."

"He has to say that," Gabby interjected jokingly, though Matt could see that his words had touched her.

"Matt isn't one to say things like that if he doesn't truly mean it." Christie remarked, watching as Gabby ducked her head in embarrassment.

Thankfully, Violet chose that moment to interrupt the adults, returning from her bedroom with a book she wanted to show Gabby.

The rest of the evening passed by quickly, the conversation light. Soon enough Gabby and Matt were tucking Violet in and, due to her insistence, Gabby was reading to the girl.

Matt could not take his eyes off the pair from his position in the doorway, completely fixated on the way Gabby acted with his niece. She was so gentle and patient with her, and she was so animated in her storytelling, Matt found himself getting lost in the tale of a young girl in a mystical realm.

Violet had fought sleep, not wanting storytime to end, but eventually had succumbed to her slumber.

Walking up the driveway to his apartment an hour later, Matt couldn't help but notice the stark difference in Gabby. Before the dinner she had been a bundle of nerves, but now she was so calm and serene as they walked together, their fingers intertwined.

"I told it would go great," Matt mused, watching as she rolled her eyes.

"I guess you were right… for once," she teased back. Her smile dropped a little, "I've never been good with the whole 'meeting the family' thing."

"You had nothing to worry about, Christie knows how much I love you, there's no way her and Violet weren't going to feel the same."

Hearing those words again, she tried to cover up her surprise and how much she enjoyed hearing him say those words.

Reaching his doorway, she turned to face him. Her voice was a little shaky as she replied, "Trying to get on your PIC's good side, huh?."

She gently grabbed his jacket, forcing him to close the distance between them as she leant in to kiss him.

Four

"I could stay here forever," Gabby murdered contentedly from the embrace of her boyfriend's arms. She and Matt were snuggled on the bed in his office following a series of rough and long calls. There were rules about fraternisation in the firehouse, but after the day they'd had, both were sure Boden wouldn't mind them spending some time together whilst everyone was sleeping.

The pair had tried to be productive, Matt filling in reports and Gabby reading, but their exhaustion had gotten the better of them eventually which was how they found themselves wrapped up in each other, just enjoying one another's presence.

Matt looked down at Gabby, whose head rested on his chest, smiling blissfully.

"I need to finish my paperwork," he began before sighing, "but I'm so comfortable here with you."

The pair were silent a few moments, and Matt thought that she'd gone back to sleep when she suddenly spoke up.

"We should take a vacation."

"Oh yeah?" Matt asked, trying to mask his surprise. Usually he had to be the first to take steps forward in their relationship.

"Yeah. Get away from the city for a while. Go somewhere warm." As if to emphasise her point, Gabby shivered, and Matt ran a hand up and down her arm in an attempt to warm her up.

"That sounds nice. There's a lake my mom and dad used to take Christie and I to every year before… you know," he trailed off, the memories of his childhood summers bittersweet.

"Are you sure you'd want to go somewhere that has so many memories?" Gabby asked with concern, her brow furrowed.

He paused a moment before smiling down at her. "Yes. We can make some new memories."

The sound of the alarm startled the pair, news of a large apartment block fire forcing them them into action.

Gabby was the first to be ready, reaching the door before turning back to face Matt.

She hesitated a moment, the words she wanted to say painted on her face.

"Be safe out there." She settled on, chickening out.

"You too, babe," he replied back, his smile wide as he understood that this was her way of telling him she loved him.

**Five**

Standing in front of the blazing apartment block, Gabby's breath caught in her throat as one by one the members of truck and squad trickled out of the entrance, accompanied by residents in varying states of hurt. Having been the first medic on scene, Gabby was in charge, and she had made quick work of helping Shay assess the injuries of each person, passing them off to different paramedics as they arrived on the scene.

Now, the smoke was turning black, and Gabby knew that meant time was running out. Boden had allowed his men one last run in, and it was just a matter of waiting with baited breath until they all made it back out.

Suddenly, Otis' voice crackled through the radio, tension and stress evident.

"Mayday, mayday, firefighter down!"

"Otis, report. What happened?" Asked the chief, trying his hardest to remain composed.

"It's Casey, Chief." Replied Cruz, sounding out of breath. "We were doing our final sweep when he got knocked out by some falling debris." Another pause followed before; "He's hurt but I think he's okay. We're on our way down now."

Gabby held her breath, the seconds dragging as the members of 51 made their way down the three flights of stairs.

Time seemed to stall as four figures emerged from the smoky doorway. Otis and Cruz were carrying Casey, Herrmann following closely behind, limping heavily.

Soon enough, Casey's body had been gently lowered to the floor, the members of 51 gathering round as Shay began removing the equipment from his face and taking his vitals. Gabby moved in autopilot, her paramedic instincts overtaking the worried girlfriend ones.

Casey stirred, his eyes sluggishly blinking open, and then frantically searching the crowd around him until his eyes came to rest on Gabby.

He reached up and grabbed the oxygen mask that Shay had just secured over his nose and mouth. "Gabby," he stuttered, his breathing ragged from all the smoke he had inhaled from his mask coming loose in his fall. "You know how much you mean to me, right?"

"I do." she shushed him, pushing the mask back down. "But you're going to be fine," she smiled, taking his hand in hers. "Just rest."

He nodded, wincing in pain as Shay applied bandages to the gashes on his leg. His most severe injuries more under control, she motioned for Severide and Cruz to help her lift the backboard onto the gurney.

Shay didn't even attempt to talk Gabby out of riding in the back with Matt, Severide jumping in alongside the pair.

Gabby could see the pain meds kicking in as she secured all the wires around Matt, breathing a sigh of relief as his features softened with medication-induced bliss.

The ride to Med was quiet, Gabby vigorously checking Matt's stats every few seconds, the only sounds that of the siren and the steady beating of the machine measuring Matt's heart rate.

Gabby took the time to assess his injuries; deep lacerations ran down his left thigh and right tibia where he had been trapped by debris. His right arm was cut and bruising quickly where he had lifted it up to protect his face. The biggest concern to Gabby was the smoke he had inhaled and probable concussion he'd received; adding to his worryingly long list of head injuries. Trying to push that aside until a doctor had assessed him, she moved her focus back to the heart rate monitor, matching her breathing to the beat of his heart until they reached the hospital.

The second the ambo had been brought to a stop, a flurry of activity erupted as the back doors were opened and medical staff began assessing the situation. Gabby reeled off Matt's stats as Maggie and Dr. Halstead pulled the gurney from the ambulance, Gabby and Severide following closely behind.

After a quick assessment from Will, Matt was taken for x-rays, leaving Gabby a chance to reflect on the day's events.

Severide suddenly appeared at her side, coffee cups in either hand, and led her over to the waiting area where Shay was sat filling out paperwork.

Staring at the steaming liquid in her cup, Gabby's mind wandered back to their earlier conversation of the future, the plans they had made together, and how that all could have been in jeopardy had Matt's injuries been more serious. Yes, he was going to have to take a few shifts off to let his cuts heal and his lungs to recover, but it could have been a lot worse.

It was a tense hour before Halstead made his way back into the waiting area where Gabby and Severide sat, Shay having gone back to the firehouse with a cover paramedic. She'd just completed her eighteenth nervous lap of the waiting room and practically pounced on Will.

"He's going to be fine." Halstead began, getting right to the point. "He's got a concussion and some minor smoke inhilation but no broken bones and he doesn't need surgery. Maggie's just finishing dressing the wounds on his legs and then I'll take you to him. He should be back to work in a week or so."

The tension in Gabby's body dissolved rapidly, and she slumped into the chair next to Severide as soon as Will had left the room. Silently, Severide placed an arm around Gabby, and they remained sat there in comfortable silence until a nurse came to bring them to Matt's room.

He was resting when they arrived, bright white bandages stark in contrast to his dirty skin. Gabby sat down at his side, brushing some dirt off his chin before taking his hand in hers. He stirred at the contact, blinking a couple of times before his eyes came to rest on his Girlfriend.

"Hey," he croaked, the effects of smoke inhilation evident. "Gabby I-"

"Shhh," she interrupted, "rest your voice, baby."

She looked over at Severide pleadingly and he nodded softly in understanding before moving to the hallway.

"You really scared me," she whispered, a stray tear escaping. He reached up to wipe it away, his hand lingering on his cheek. "Promise me you won't do that to me again."

"I can't promise you, you know how dangerous our job is," he replied softly.

"I know." Gabby lowered her head, and Matt used a finger to raise her chin.

"But I can promise you that I will do everything I can to make it home to you every shift."

Gabby smiled softly and took a deep breath before blurting out, "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied, smiling wide.


End file.
